Fall apart. Start Over. Repeat.

One of the hardest things about infertility is that you are forced to repeat the pain every month that aunt flo decides to show her ugly face…It is a constant feeling of living in the “two week wait”. Waiting for your ovulation window to come so you can start tracking, symptom spotting, and then trying to conceive. Then waiting another two weeks, with some more symptom spotting, waiting to see if you are pregnant.Waiting…waiting…waiting.  And then when you can’t wait anymore and decide to take a test, only to see a negative. It is constant disappointment, month after month.

So how do you change this cycle? It’s different for everyone and some of us can’t change it. The thing I struggle with is the unknown, not knowing if I will EVER see a positive or if it is just not in the cards for me and I need to move on. The best advice  I have been given was from my husband actually, although he makes it seem easy; he says to just expect the worst and hope for the best. He doesn’t get his hopes up and is realistic about the fact that it may never happen. I look at that as leaving it in God’s hands. If it happens, it happens and if it doesn’t, then it is beyond my control. I have also decided to invest my energy in things other than stressing about TTC, like yoga, crafting, spending time with my family and friends. It is not easy to let go of “the unknown” but ultimately it is not something I have control over.


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